The Professor's New Toy Ch. 01
Keywords: Ch., The, Toy, New, Professor's, 01,
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When I told Morgan about my mother's reaction, she laughed out loud.
"Morgan! You mustn't laugh! My mother's first husband died of a gun shot. She told the police it was a burglar, but they knew it wasn't true."
"Well, at least if she does you'll be well provided for!"
The weeks leading up to Christmas fell into an easy routine. Morgan would help me with the rehearsals on Sunday evenings, and we would meet for coffee or lunch at least once a week. A lot of times after rehearsal, Morgan, Emily and I would stay in the music room together. I would play piano and we would sing children's songs, or hymns that I knew. Sometimes I would play classical music or show tunes. They both loved classical music and would listen raptly while I played. Sometimes during the week when we would meet and Emily didn't have school, the three of us would go to the park together to play or have picnics. Sometimes when we were alone I would unburden myself to Morgan, telling her about the difficulties Daniel and I were having. Through it all, she would listen sympathetically and try to cheer me up. Often, I got the feeling that she didn't think a lot of Daniel, but she never criticized him.
I swear, I never saw a person who worked from home take so much care in their appearance the way she did. She was always immaculately groomed when we met, and even if she was wearing faded jeans she always wore a jacket or sweater that made her look outstanding.
There's no question that I was enjoying her company. It seemed like I lived for our meetings. Morgan had a spark and joy for life that was contagious. Whenever she saw me her whole face would just light up. She was just great to be around. I left our meetings each time, a little more refreshed; a little more healthy, and a little more whole. Morgan's friendship was bringing out the best part of me. I didn't realize it at the time, but she was becoming a piece of me. A stabilizer. A piece that held things together and kept it all from flying apart.
The depression that had been hounding me for most of the year was burning away and I was starting to get some more confidence. I actually went out and bought a new wardrobe, and got my hair done. Of course Daniel threw a fit over the cost, but I just smiled sweetly and told him how wonderful it was that the Lord was so richly blessing us.
*Chapter 4*
It was around New Year's when I started thinking about the upcoming year. I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't actually in a marriage and that Daniel just didn't have the capacity to change. Our marital counseling sessions had been a total loss, and there was no point in trying them again. I was considering the unthinkable. I was thinking about divorce.
At my next meeting with Morgan, I broached the subject.
"I'm thinking of divorcing Daniel but I'm not sure. Can you tell me about your divorce?"
She paused and looked at me. I'd never known her to hesitate before. She glanced around as though making sure there was no one to overhear. Slowly, she leaned closer.
"I'll tell you, but you must promise to not tell anyone else. Right now, there are only three people that know the truth. You would be the fourth person. Will you promise not to share this with anyone?"
"Of course I will! You're my best friend. "Of course! You're my best friend. You know I'd never betray you."
"There's one other thing. You're going to find out something about me that very few people know and this may shock you. I'd like to keep that a secret as well. Will you promise?"
"Of course I will. You know I love you as a sister. Nothing can change that."
"OK. Here's the truth about my me and my divorce. I met Craig when I was 22. He fell in love with me. I admired him and thought he was a wonderful man, something I still think today. When he proposed, I saw how loving and gentle he was and was sure that I would grow to love him. We were married in a few months, and in another few months I was pregnant with Emily. Craig is a wonderful man, and I still think the world of him. As terrific as he was, we had some rough spots in our marriage. There were times when we wouldn't or couldn't be there for each other."
"Is that when he slept with your sister?" I asked.
"My sister? I don't, oh - that. Anyhow, we were having a rough spot in our marriage and I started having an affair. It was amazingly dumb of me and I'm ashamed of myself for doing it. Craig didn't deserve what I did to him. In my own defense, I can only say that I was so emotionally lonely that I couldn't help myself. Craig caught my lover and me in bed together. I suppose if it had been anyone besides his sister, we might have patched things up."
I felt my mouth fall open. My eyes must have been as big as saucers. "Then you're" I stopped.
"Yes. I guess I'm at best bisexual, more likely a lesbian. When I met Craig, I knew that I had feelings for women. I tried to lie to myself. To tell myself that this wasn't who I really was. I guess we all do really dumb things, and so far, this has been my dumbest. Of course my dumbest led to my second dumbest which was getting married, and my third dumbest of having an affair with his sister. The only real bright point about the whole thing is Emily."
"I don't know what to say!" Lurid images flashed through my mind, Morgan kissing another woman. Embracing and crushing her lips against the unknown sister. Somewhere deep inside of me, something sat up and took notice. My thoughts were a whirlwind. My stomach tightened, and I was having trouble catching my breath.
"You're shocked. I can see it. Please say you'll still be my friend? I've really come to depend on you and I'd hate to see our friendship hurt." I could see the genuine fear in her face.
"Of course I'm still your friend. That doesn't change. Now, you need to help me think about divorcing Daniel." I grinned.
We talked about what the consequences would be. It was going to be a severe career problem for Daniel and cause a lot of problems in the church. There was no question that I was going to have to leave the church and find a different one. I thought of letting my mother handle the problem, but I didn't want to take the chance she'd get caught. I didn't see myself taking future grandkids to prison to visit her on Sunday afternoons.
As Morgan and I parted, I gave her a warm hug and thanked her. I noticed when we embraced that she was wearing a beautiful perfume.
As I drove home, I had a lot to think about. I wondered what divorcing Daniel was really going to mean to both of us. Because of our positions it was going to be about twice as bad as it would have been for a normal person. All of our friends were from church, and that was going to end for me. In essence, my life would be totally starting over. It was a daunting idea. I clung to the idea that I would still have Morgan as a friend.
Thinking of this started me wondering about Morgan's revelation. The thought that Morgan was a lesbian had just never occurred to me. I had always thought of gay women as rough butches who drank beer and rode motorcycles. She was so beautiful, soft and feminine. Unbidden, pictures of her kissing her sister-in-law sprang up. I wondered how Morgan's zest for life and fun personality would be expressed in a kiss. I wondered what her lips would feel like against mine. No! Stop this line of thought. I snapped myself out of my reverie. Going to the bathroom, I took a scalding hot shower and prepared myself for bed.
At some point, after I was asleep I became aware that Daniel had come in. He'd had a board meeting and was doing hospital visitations afterwards. I checked the clock. It was after 11. From the odor I knew he hadn't taken a shower. I wished he had. I rolled over and forced myself back to sleep.
That night the dreams started.
Morgan and I were walking down the lane together. We were smiling and laughing. It was sunset and it was stunningly pretty. Small puddles on the road showed that it had rained earlier. It was so clear and the sun's setting rays were so intense it gave everything a surreal sharpness and depth. The brilliant green of the trees contrasted sharply with the vivid whites and yellows of the wild flowers. Black and yellow bumble bees were dancing among the flowers. Hummingbirds flitted along. Stopping here and then blurring off to their next meal. Deer were grazing in the field on the other side of the stone wall. As we walked, we swung our joined hands together. We were holding hands. She kissed me tenderly and smiled.
"I told you everything would be all right!"
I had a lot of dreams that week. Sometimes they were unremarkable. Morgan and I were doing some ordinary thing together, but as a couple. Things like picking out carpeting, or buying an oven. In others, things were more powerful.
Morgan and I were having dinner. I recognized the table and china as being ones that I owned. The lighting in the room was subdued and the table was lit by candles. She was beautiful. She was wearing a lovely dress that was cut low enough to show off her gorgeous breasts. We had finished our meal and were sharing a dessert together. Afterwards, we had coffee and finished off the bottle of wine together. I could see her face shining with such adoration when she looked at me. The look that melted me, and turned my heart inside out. The look that told me I was loved beyond measure. I could feel in my soul that I was looking back at her with the same intensity and love.
During the next week, I started seriously wondering about what the Bible said about being homosexual. It was all so confusing to me, and I admit. I'd never really tried to think about the subject for myself. When I met with Morgan again it was at the top of my mind. After we got through catching up with each other about our week, I broached the subject.
"Morgan, I want to understand what you think about being gay and the Bible. I mean, I know you're in Church, and I know what Daniel preaches on the subject.
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Keywords: Ch., The, Toy, New, Professor's, 01,